Passion v. persistence

Porque no los dos? Why not both, you ask? Passion we sort of think about as easy street. You love what you do. Like the old Clay Walker song, "If I Could Make a Living out of Loving You." But anyone that's been married for more than five minutes can attest to the fact that persistence is something that is key to keeping the passion alive. No one accidentally stays married for 50 years, but lots of folks slip and fall into the private parts of an extramarital individual. It's an issue of guarding yourself and an issue of keeping the other person engaged and fulfilled in the relationship.

Much like work, some people seem to be blessed with bliss in a marriage, and they are the lucky few. The rest of the world has to work hard at it, or watch it crash and burn. Or worse, spend 30 lackadaisical years in a dead end scenario that yields precious little joy or passion. They hate the "boss," but they've gotten so used to going in every week and bitching about the hardships on the weekend, they're actually hopelessly entwined with the routine. Snapping them out of it would be impossible. "You have to go to work! Got bills to pay!" And so it goes with a marriage contract. Tax benefits, two people to drive kids to events, dual income, and so on. It's just what responsible people do.

For me, I can point to the day I learned about persistence. I was 12 years old in a very cold shop using a wire grinding wheel on an old Farmall M front tire rim. I thought that thing must be reproducing rust and putrid paint particulate faster than I was taking it off! I hated it. But I did like seeing brand new red paint fall perfectly smooth on a properly prepped surface. The next 18 years have been more of the same. Washing calves, pulling field cultivators, driving truck, framing, plumbing, remodeling, and schooling. You just hammer out what you hate so you can get a result you're proud of. There's a lot of value in it. A lot of manhood, in my experience so far, comes down to doing exactly that. Hell, a lot of life. I have yet to thoroughly enjoy a sit-up or a dental cleaning, but they ain't so bad, and I like abs and a healthy mouth.

But grinding does exactly what we all know it to do. It wears out the surface. Grind an axe head enough times, you'll be down to a nub. Same with your teeth, tires, or any other surface that gets constant wear. I would suggest, so does your soul. There's a joke that the working man dies at 30 and gets buried at 60. That haunts me. Just grinding away until body and soul are thoroughly used up as you await Death on the front porch rocking chair. I'll say it again. I want more.

Passion in work seems reserved for the social media celebrities of the modern day. Everything they do is a jolly little video shoot worth thousands! But I don't think I'd trade with them. I really enjoy not having every aspect of my life broadcast to the whole world. I'm as susceptible to the allure of social media as anyone, but I've cut more and more of it out of my life. I am hoping to go deeper, rather than wider, with the remainder of my time here on earth. I want to be fully alive in my little slice of the Kingdom I've been given to rule over and improve. I want to wring ALL the juice out of the deal.

So just what the hell am I saying? I'm saying that I understand how bills work. I even have a mortgage now, so I can stand on the driveway with my coffee and gripe with the neighbor about how the county is blowing our property taxes. But I'm suggesting that in spite of the joy of the "common life" and all the little victories that go with it, I can accomplish more with my time than just keeping the lights on. Many people find this meaning in extracurricular arenas like fitness, hunting, camping, serving in a church, volunteering, or even joining a club of like minded folks to chat about things like guns or old tractors. But when you're young and always a half step from going bust, it's hard to justify spending much extra time on anything that isn't keeping the kids and house in order or earning money. Of course, we have to live and enjoy community, and here I sit carving out time at 11pm to peck a keyboard. But starting a hobby is time and money I don't have. We do our best to give and serve, but the priority is clothing and food for the little bodies we have been blessed with. And that takes a lot of dough these days.

You, dear reader, are hopefully grasping my layout in these first few blogs. I'm giving the background to all the rabbit trails I've traveled in my mind whilst holding a steering wheel or pulling hydraulic levers. Now, we barf all those meanderings onto a page in a semi-organized model, and attempt to sniff out the Truffle of Truth. After all, blind hogs and so forth.

The problem is, my snout is so full of shit from rooting through the mud that life so abundantly offers, the radar is a little fuzzy. I currently am also working through a worksheet from Dr. Jordan Peterson on mapping out a better life plan. It's hard and thorough work, essentially walking you through how to take full ownership of your path and come up with a good and practical plan to bring your desires to fruition. Right now, I am hung up on my #2 most important personal goal. Caring about my career and feeling it is time well spent. I often feel I rob my family in order to put in the "extra" at work. Keep the machinery clean, well lubricated, organized, and in good repair. It reflects well on me, and usually prevents serious mishaps and downtime. But it costs time. Everything does. I want my children to know they are more important to me than polished rims, but also want the world to know I care about my work and am a man that gives it 100% when I'm hired on to ride for the brand. How could you be proud of a father that didn't give that?

Like most however, I am well past college and likely am not going to find a brand new career in something on the opposite end of the career spectrum. So how can I leverage what I have done and earned so far? The simply answer is owning a business. Now, whether one carts cattle or lifts lumber is a whole quandary of math and passion on its own. So is location, family needs, and so on. But business ownership is the clearest match to my desires and abilities that I have come up with. You have to understand the whole enchilada from compliance to performance, and turn a dollar while doing it. If you can accomplish that, the sky truly is the limit to growth and improving the bottom line.

Going down that road feels a lot like the house buying experience. We are getting close to needing to pull the trigger, but I haven't found the right option yet. When I do, it will likely come with a whole host of unpleasant problems I couldn't foresee in spite of due diligence, and it will take some slogging and sweat get through it and build the business machine into a smooth operating cash printer. Everyone wants an easy path, but I haven't ever found one that was worth the view at the end.

In the coming months, we will continue to explore business and work. How to find meaning and passion in the efforts that feed the family. Among other things.

Peace and rejuvenation. -C